Weeks 1-2: March 16 – 30
Last night at 11pm Lillian turned two weeks old and if I could rewind time and relive these past two weeks all over again, I absolutely would. 

Hospital Stay: Lillian was born at Virginia Hospital Center. My doctors’ office is connected to the hospital so I checked in just after my 11am appointment around 11:45. I was in triage until 4pm then in Labor and Delivery through the evening. Lillian was born at 11:04pm, we got to our recovery room by 1am and we left the hospital around noon on Sunday. Overall the hospital stay was very nice. The staff were all wonderful and while it was not quite as fancy as our Brazil hospital experience, I have no complaints. 

Better than hospital food – sushi & champagne!

I think the biggest concern I’d had about the hospital stay was worrying where Colt and Finn would be. However, since my mom had arrived the night before and was taking care of the boys I was completely at peace. She is an unbeatable combination of fun, loving and capable – she even took Colt to his early morning swimming lesson before bringing the boys to the hospital to meet Lillian on Saturday. 

It was so much fun to introduce Lillian to her big brothers and to her grandmother on Saturday. The boys were great with her and Gigi was instantly in love. 

While we were at the hospital we also got to see two sets of friends from church. One couple had also just had their third baby less than 24 hours after Lillian and they were in the room across the hall from us! And our other friends, Chad and Mallory (pregnant with their first!) were sweet enough to bring us Starbucks on Sunday morning! 

I was certainly grateful for the time we had at the hospital for me to rest and focus exclusively on Lillian and on my own recovery, but by the time we left the hospital on Sunday we were definitely ready to get home to our boys, to our own bed and to just get started on life as a family of 5.

March 18: Heading home!

Lillian Medical:

Monday March 19: First appointment at the pediatricians’ office

Weight: 8lbs 3oz at birth on Friday night. That following Monday morning, Lillian weighed 7lbs 12oz. This past Thursday, March 29 (her almost 2 week appointment) she weighed in at 8lbs 4.5oz.
Height: 20.5″ at birth. This past Thursday she measured 21.75″. Doubt she’s grown that much but hard to get a perfect measurement on an infant!
Clothes: Moving from newborn to 0-3. She’s just too long for the newborn clothes!
Diapers: Still using Newborn.
Other: Lillian was born with a sweet head of dark hair, thickest in the back. She has a double cowlick right in the middle of her forehead so I guess that means she’ll have a middle part? She has darker hair and overall coloring than the boys had (although that’s not saying too much!). Her eyes are a deep, dark blue making me wonder if they’ll actually stay blue. Her skin is perfect (no baby acne like her brothers – at least not yet) and she lost her umbilical cord on Day 11.

Feeding: I am so thankful for the gift of being able to nurse my kids. Before I had Colt I knew of several moms who wanted to nurse and tried to nurse but for one reason or another, it didn’t work out for them so I have never taken nursing for granted.  Thankfully it has come pretty naturally to all of my kids and it has gotten easier and less painful for me each time. 

I think my body has regulated it’s milk supply more with each baby too so it is not quite as messy of a process as it has been in the past. And, related to this (I think), Lillian does not spit up nearly like the boys did either. She spits up a little after most feeds but it’s so much easier, cleaner and less of an ordeal than what we went through with Colt and Finn.

Although she’s a good, efficient nurser (usually just 5-10 minutes/side), she’s not the hungriest baby of all time. I am still waking her for almost all of her feeds during the day (and I’m not feeding her THAT often for her age – see schedule below) and she usually doesn’t eat enough to make me feel totally relieved. It’s my “policy” to try not to pump for the first few weeks so that my body learns to regulate the supply, but in order to give myself more relief, I’ve been using these manual pumps during some of my feeds. I just suction one onto whichever side I’m not feeding her and then get the dual benefits of 1) personal relief and 2) milk storage! We are only 2 weeks in (and I didn’t use these until a day or two after we were home from the hospital) and already we’ve stored over 170 oz of milk in the freezer just by collecting the excess milk from feeds!

With each of my kids, nursing has been a special, cherished time with them and this continues to be true with Lillian. I love that nursing forces me to stop and sit with my baby. Of course there are plenty of times where I need to multitask and do other things at the same time but whenever I can or to whatever degree is possible in the moment, I try to use that time to just enjoy her and soak her up. 

Sleep: Lillian is a good little sleeper although I’m always hesitant to make grand claims this early since most all new babies are sleepy! At night she sleeps swaddled up and so far we still have her in the bassinet in our room. During the day she usually naps in her little bunny seat, the old Moses basket that I used to nap in as a baby! or in someone’s arms (preferably mine!!). She definitely likes her pacis but is still learning how to keep them in her mouth as she’s drifting off to sleep. Sometimes she can be very tired but will struggle to sleep if she loses her paci. Other times she falls asleep without them at all! 

Schedule: After a few days we started trying to move from a routine to a schedule with Lillian. She was naturally giving me one or two pretty long stretches between feeds but I had to wake her in the morning and during the day to make sure she gave them to me at night so on Day 4 we started this schedule:

7:30am Morning Feed 1
10:30/11am Feed 2
1:30/2pm Feed 3
4:30/5pm Feed 4
7/7:30pm Feed 5
9:30pm Feed 6 then get ready for 10:30pm wrapped up, in bed, lights out
2:30/3:30am Night Feed 7

This was fine but a couple days ago, when I was still waking her up for almost every one of her daytime feeds, I decided to drop one and space them out a bit more. Now we are on this schedule (which is very similar to what I was doing with Finn at this point):

7:30am Morning Feed 1
11:30/12pm Feed 2
3:30/4pm Feed 3
7:30pm Feed 4
9:30pm Feed 5 then get ready for 10:30pm wrapped up, in bed, lights out
2:30/3:30am Night Feed 6

This has been great for me so far for a few reasons. First, I am only getting up once/night to feed. I am still waking up, feeding, changing her diaper, wrapping her back up and helping her fall asleep again (usually by giving her the paci a few times) so I’m still usually up for 1-2 hours during the night but for a newborn, I can’t complain.

Secondly, it’s really nice to be going to bed each night at my normal bedtime and starting the day each morning at the normal time when I get up with the boys anyway. Michael has been on paternity leave for the past two weeks and has been responsible for responding to Colt & Finn each morning but on Monday he’ll go back to work and I need to be prepared to be fully available for the boys when their clock turns yellow at 7:50am so a 7:30am feed time is a good first morning feed for me.

Lillian: Oh my goodness you are perfection personified. You are such a sweet treasure and bring so much new joy to our home. 

You aren’t much of a crier but you do squawk – kind of like a bird or maybe a cat? when you’re upset (usually tired but needing help falling asleep). You love to be held and snuggled and love bath time! 

First 2 Weeks: Although we have spent the bulk of our time snuggled up at home, you have gotten out and about a little bit and have met quite a few friends and family.

You spent a few days with my mom and you have gotten to meet my dad (“Pasha”) a couple of times but somehow I still don’t have a picture of the two of you!

Uncle Brad came by to visit and snuggle you.

During your first week home we had a big snow!

You preferred to stay snuggled up inside by the fire.

We celebrated your 1 week birthday!

Holding your own with the Harper boys!

Out for pizza with the family!

At the first sign of spring weather, the boys worked in the yard.

And we supervised.

Playing in the park.

Good Friday: Morning brunch followed by Stations of the Cross at church.

Meeting your great Aunt Patsy.

Mama Postpartum: Recovery-wise this has been my best/easiest recovery. Of course recovering from delivering a baby while simultaneously nursing and caring for a newborn and being a mom to two toddler boys is NO small thing (thank you very much) BUT it has been so much better than my recovery experience with the boys. And although I’m certainly hormonal and emotional (mostly feeling protective and sentimental about my sweet tiny baby!), I am also less hormonal and more stable / feeling like myself than I did after the boys as well. All of this has played a big part in allowing me to really ENJOY these early, newborn days with Lillian and that in turn has made me feel extremely bonded to her. 

There’s also something about a third that is easier to enjoy in other ways too. You aren’t stressed about the small things. You aren’t reading any baby books. You know what to expect from your body’s recovery, from nursing, from feeding schedules and sleeping schedules. That’s not to say that each birth and baby isn’t totally unique and there are always little surprises for you along the way, but you breathe a little easier with the third. Your older kids can play together, with each other while you nurse or snuggle the baby. And you can look at those older kids and see how quickly this all goes by.

Holding Lillian almost feels like trying to hold onto sand as it’s slipping through my fingers. I feel desperate to freeze time and keep her in this stage, as a sweet and tiny baby. Before she was born, I was pretty sure that this would be my last pregnancy but within hours of her birth I was wanting more. I just don’t know how to wrap my head around this being my LAST. The last time I’ll check into labor and delivery. The last time I’ll get a brand new, slimy baby put on my chest. The last time I’ll nurse. The last time I’ll go through newborn diapers and newborn clothes. The last, the last, the last… I’m in tears even writing this. I had hoped to feel a sense of confidence and peace about (potentially) being done with this stage, and perhaps that will come in time, but right now the thought of it is excruciating.

Showing you your room for the first time.

Precious Lillian, what a sweet gift from God you are. You have won my heart completely. 

Wednesday, March 14: 39 weeks

9:45 am I have my 39 week checkup with my OB. For the past few weeks I have been increasingly dilated so I’m not too surprised when she says that the baby is super low and I’m 4+ cm.

I had been hoping for her to sweep my membranes since that’s what sent me into labor with Finn, but Michael and I had talked about things the night before and decided it would be best not to do anything intentional until Friday so that he could finish out the workweek and so that we could have my mom up here to be with the boys should we need to rush off to the hospital. The doctor says that she thinks my body and baby are both ready so I schedule a followup for Friday. In the meantime I get the house in order, go to the grocery store and try to prepare everything just in case…

Friday, March 16: 39 weeks 2 days

1:00 am My mom arrives! She has been super busy with work but drove through the evening into the night to be sure that she would be here for me and for our family if we need her on Friday. I am so thankful for her commitment to all of us. Her arrival gives me the greatest peace of mind and now I know that we are really ready to have this baby.

10:00 am Right before heading off to the doctor. My mom would laugh whenever she caught my profile and insisted on taking a picture.

11:00 am Michael is at work, Colt is at school and Finn and my mom come with me to my doctor’s appointment. Dr. Elliot checks me and immediately asks me if I’m having contractions. I tell him that while I feel some occasionally and have been having a little bit of cramping, I certainly don’t think I’m in labor and it’s so far been nothing to write home about. He tells me that I’m already around 5 cm and he’d like for me to check into triage to get monitored for a couple of hours to see what my body is really doing. He thinks I’m closer to active labor than I realize and just wants to watch it a bit before sending me home.

Another doctor walks us through over to the maternity ward of the hospital and helps me get checked in. My mom and Finn are with me and while I’m totally comfortable and not nervous at all, I’m still thankful not to be checking in alone. I call Michael and ask him to wrap up at the office and come straight to the hospital. He has all of our bags in his car already so he’s ready. Meanwhile I change into the lovely beige, tan and olive green gown and Finn covers me with stickers.

WHO designs these gowns??????

12:30 pm It’s almost time to pick Colt up from school and my mom doesn’t want to leave me until Michael arrives at the hospital so I call my girlfriend, Beth, and she graciously, happily offers to pick up Colt along with her two boys and keep him for a couple hours before bringing him back to our house that afternoon.

1:00 pm Michael arrives at the hospital. It is exciting to see him. It somehow feels like this might really be happening… My mom takes Finn home and she’ll be there waiting for Colt when Beth drops him off. Everything in triage is fine except I have 1 regular nurse and 1 nurse who is still in training, shadowing the first nurse. The nurse in training tries to set up my IV and after two failed attempts (one of which left me with a nasty bruise), the other nurse saves things and finally gets it on the third try.

3:00 pm Dr. Elliot comes in and reads the results from the monitors. He determines that I’m having regular contractions, every 7 minutes or so. He checks me and says that I’m more open, 5+ cm and 90% effaced. He says he’d like me to go ahead and check into labor and delivery. He tells me that he’s a little concerned that if I went home I’d accidentally “blow this baby out” in the shower or something and there are a few reasons that would not be ideal – for them and for me!

1) This is a VBAC (albeit my second) so ideally they do want to monitor my labor.
2) During this pregnancy I tested positive for GBS so they want me to get 1-2 rounds of antibiotics in my system before delivery.
3) I’m pretty sure I’ll want an epidural. And my labor with Finn was quick (3-4 cm – fully dilated in 2.5 hours) so all along my doctors have asked me to come to the hospital sooner rather than later.

Ultimately Michael and I agree that we’re ready to do this.

4:00 pm We are settled into our labor and delivery room and our nurse tells us it’s the best one – big and right across from the “patient refreshment room.” I get hooked up to the monitors and start my first round of penicillin. It burns like crazy so I put an ice pack on my arm for the half-hour as it’s going in. I am doing intermittent monitoring so I am able to get up and walk around. Even when I’m on the monitors I can at least stand or sit on the birthing ball.

No pain!

6:45 pm Dr. Elliot swings by and asks how I’m doing. I tell him that I still don’t feel active labor so we start low-dose pitocin (level 1).

7:15 pm My contractions are regular, every 4 minutes or so, but still not painful. I am a little concerned that I’m still not in “real labor” – it feels weird to be at the hospital and not be in pain. I have had a popsicle and some jello and am grateful that I had a big breakfast that morning.

7:30 pm We increase pitocin to level 2.

8:30 pm I start my second round of penicillin and it burns even more than the first. My contractions have become more irregular so we up the pitocin to level 3.

9:30 pm Dr. Elliot comes in and says I’m 6+ cm. He says he wants to go ahead and “let some water out.” I’m still not in pain so I express my 2 concerns:

1) I don’t want to have my water broken and then not go into labor and end up with another c-section and
2) I have read that pitocin and inductions don’t always go well with VBACs so I’m a little afraid of uterine rupture.

Dr. Elliot says that at 6+ cm he’s not concerned about me not going into labor and he feels like if we break my water then I won’t need any more pitocin. I have to get a new round of antibiotics every 4 hours which puts me due for my next round at 12:30 am. He tells me that we’ll have the baby before that which seems hard for me to believe considering I’m still not in any real pain.

He goes ahead and breaks my water and aside from the gross feeling of the fluid coming out, it doesn’t really hurt. After he leaves I ask my nurse, Kelly, if I should go ahead and order my epidural. It feels funny to ask for one when I’m not hurting but she encourages me to go ahead and get it. The next couple contractions feel about 5x stronger/more painful than before so I ask her to call it in. Within minutes I’m in so much more pain – I can’t believe how breaking my water changed things so quickly and so drastically.

10:20 pm The anesthesiologist comes in and begins to administer the epidural. He says it takes about 15 minutes to fully set it. I’m really hurting now and tell him it doesn’t seem to be helping. He asks me to wait until 10:38 pm before “pushing the button” to increase the dosage.

10:40 pm I have not felt ANY relief so we push the button but I’m struggling.

10:45 pm Nurse Kelly checks me and says I’m 9+ cm and will be pushing soon. She starts setting up the delivery table and pages Dr. Elliot. The epidural does not seem to have done anything and I’m suddenly feeling a ton of pressure. She calls Dr. Elliot again and tells me to try to breathe, not to push.

10:50 pm Dr. Elliot comes in and starts getting all ready for delivery. The contractions are still coming but I have a constant feeling of pressure that will not let up. He is coaching me to breathe through it until he’s ready.

10:57 pm It’s time to start pushing. In Brazil there were lots of people – doctors and nurses – in the room when I was delivering. Here there is just Dr. Elliot, Nurse Kelly, Michael and me so Michael has to hold one of my legs which I’m not expecting or thrilled about. He is less fazed by it and jumps right in, excited and encouraging me that we are close to meeting our daughter. As I’m pushing, Dr. Elliot asks my nurse to check the baby’s heart rate and the way they’re telling me to push makes me feel like something urgent is happening. It almost feels like they’re mad at me. Or maybe they just want me to keep going because we’re close. I am trying as hard as I can. It’s so intense. Dr. Elliot asks me if I want to feel her head but I don’t. Even in the moment it weirds me out but it does make me realize she’s close.

11:04 pm Lillian Mary Harper is born. I can’t believe it. They put her on my chest and my first thought is that she’s perfectly beautiful but not crying. Nurse Kelly messes with her a little and gets her to cry. They tell me that the cord had been around her neck but it was “loose” and totally fine. I’m not sure what that means but it makes me hold onto her extra tight. 

Michael cuts the cord and we snuggle our baby and call her by her name as my doctor gets me all cleaned up. They let me hold her for a long time before taking her to weigh in and she seems so alert and just beautiful. I notice that she has a lot of dark hair, darker than either of our boys. She has tiny ears and the sweetest little hands. She feels new to me – like meeting a brand new person – but also cozy and mine. Eventually they take her and she’s 8lbs 3oz. Her Apgar scores are 9s. She’s absolutely perfect. She nurses for almost an hour and is a total natural. I am absolutely, completely in love…