Monday, August 17: 39 weeks, 2 days

11:15 am I have my weekly check-up with my OB.

Everything looks good on the monitors and when my doctor, Paula, checks me, I am happy to hear that I am 1 cm dilated. This means that she can strip my membranes, which I have been hoping we’d be able do today. (Since I am trying and praying for a VBAC I won’t be able to be induced into labor so I am happy to have this little “push” that is natural.) The procedure is quick and she tells me to expect cramping through the rest of the day. We go ahead and schedule a return visit on Thursday for her to repeat the procedure in the hopes that the baby will come by the weekend, on/around his due date of Saturday, August 22.

Up until this point I have been having some minor cramping and occasional detectable contractions but nothing painful or notable. My feeling is that the baby will be late but I am hopeful that the scraping of the membranes will help move things along.

12:30 pm Michael and I meet for lunch after my appointment. I’m feeling cramps but nothing bad and we have a lovely lunch together. We are trying to take advantage of these final days together and we talk about my appointment and how the baby might really arrive in the next week or so.

5:30 pm I am home playing with Colt and texting with my girlfriends (who both just had their second babies – each having gone into labor after 2 rounds of having their membranes scraped). Paige asks me if I’m having contractions and I tell her that while I am, I have to focus to distinguish them from the general cramping I’m feeling. I assume all are just normal after-effects from the procedure and don’t think too much about it.

6:30 pm As I feed Colt dinner I start timing contractions. The timing varies but they are around 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart. They are not strong though so after 45 minutes I stop timing them so I can focus on playing with Colt before bed.

7:15 pm Michael is home and we are playing with Colt together. I am feeling the contractions a little more but still feeling totally fine. When it’s time to put Colt down for bed, Michael suggests that I do it while he finishes getting our dinner ready. Although I still don’t let myself think that this could really be “it,” I stay in Colt’s room a little longer than normal, sing to him a little more and pray a little extra with him before saying goodnight. The maternal instinct in me knows that these are my last moments with him as my only and I am both excited and heartbroken at the same time. (I cry even now as I type this.)

8:30 pm Michael and I sit down to dinner and I start timing contractions again. After about 30 minutes of timing them they appear to be about 1:15 long and about 5:30 apart. At this point I tell Michael that I think tonight could be the night and that I think I should try to lay down and rest in case we have a long night ahead. I go back to our room and he starts preparing lots of food that we can leave for Colt. We text Michael’s brother, Joe, and tell him that we aren’t sure but basically to sleep with his ringer on in case we need him to come over in the middle of the night. I text my doctor and, knowing that I want to try to have the baby without any interventions (including pain medicine), she encourages me to stay home as long as possible and asks me to let her know when I’ve reached a 7 out of 10 on my pain threshold. I don’t exactly know what that means but I know I’ve got a while.

10:15 pm I’m unable to sleep so I return to the living room. I had started working on a general-update blog post earlier that day and I want to finish it and post it. After I post it I start timing contractions again. They are still about 1:15 long and 5 minutes apart. They do hurt but I can definitely still talk through them.

11:15 pm Michael and I lay down in bed again. He falls asleep but I’ve found that the contractions are more uncomfortable in bed so after 30 minutes or so I am back in the living room on the recliner. I’m trying to be calm and breathe through each one but I have a hard time not tensing up and I end up just wiggling around.

Tuesday, August 18: 39 weeks 3 days

12:15 am I finally feel confident enough that I’m in labor to text my mom. The contractions are now closer together coming every 3:30 or 4 minutes and are 1:20-1:30 long.

1:15 am I wake Michael up to update him on my progress. The pain is still manageable but I am kind of freaked out by how long and close together the contractions are and I am wondering how far along I am. Michael encourages me to call Paula and while she says that I am welcome to go into the hospital anytime, she tells me that she thinks I’ll be a lot more comfortable at home and she says she’s afraid I’ll go in early and be disappointed by not being as far along as I think I am. Michael and I agree that our plan has been to wait as long as possible to go in and since my doctor also feels like I have a while to go, we stay home. We sit together in the living room, eat ice cream, pray, watch TV and keep timing contractions.

3:15 am The contractions are stronger and more frequent – often every 2 minutes or so. I am not looking forward to the experience of driving to the hospital, checking in etc. so we decide we should start getting ready to go so that we can just get there and get settled. My doctor, Paula, is actually already at the hospital for another delivery so she says she’ll see me when I get there. We get some final things together for our bags. I change clothes and get ready. Michael calls Joe and he comes over to stay with Colt until the morning.

4:20 am We are in the car headed to the hospital. In the 10 minute drive (no traffic at this hour!) I have 3 contractions in the car and another one right in the front lobby of the hospital. I feel a little bit like a spectacle but they are manageable. I text my friend Paige that if I’m dilated to a 4 or lower then I don’t think I’ll make it without pain medicine but if I’m a 6 or higher then maybe there is a chance.

4:40 am I am checked in, wearing the gown and immediately get hooked up to the fetal heart-rate and contraction monitors. The straps around my stomach feel super tight and uncomfortable and I hate watching the contractions register on the monitor – it somehow makes it worse to have to watch them peak and double peak before coming down. This position, laying on the bed is the worst. Paula comes right in to see me and informs me that she has just finished another VBAC and tells me that I can totally do it too. Then she checks me and says I’m 3-4 cm dilated and it could be 12+ more hours. I burst out laughing and say she has to be kidding. I can’t handle being strapped to the monitors and get up sooner than the nurses would have liked but I just can’t deal anymore. Paula has to leave but my dedicated nurse from her team is staying with me. I knew that my nurse would be 1 of 4 women from the practice (just depends on the day) and I feel blessed that it’s Roseli. I had met her a week prior and had gotten to explain my situation so she knows exactly what is going on – plus she speaks pretty good English and I am relieved not to have to be thinking in Portuguese right now. God’s grace. Roseli suggests we move into the shower and that feels much better. I am wishing there was a bath but there isn’t one available.

5:15 am I ask Roseli to call the anesthesiologist to come in. I know it will be 30 minutes from when I make the request before he can get to the hospital and the contractions are feeling really strong. Michael is supportive but asks (about 4 times!) if I’m totally sure that this is what I want. I am really struggling to breathe through contractions and can’t imagine handling it on my own for too much longer so I say yes. As time ticks on the only thing that gets me through each contraction is the promise that relief is coming.

5:50 am The anesthesiologist arrives and begins to administer the epidural. I have to sit still through 3 contractions and it’s pretty brutal. I’m holding onto Roseli and she is talking me through it. They say I will feel some pressure but it feels like a terrible bee sting. I want to be sure that nothing is wrong since a bee sting feels different than just pressure so I’m shouting, “Bee sting, bee sting!” They don’t understand but Michael remembers the words in Portuguese (picada de abelha) and they agree that it’s normal to feel stinging. When it’s over they tell me it will take 10-15 minutes to fully kick in and the final contractions feel like the strongest yet.

6:15 am The epidural has fully set in but there is a spot on my left side where it just didn’t take. I am definitely feeling relief but still having to “manage” through each contraction due to the pain in my side. It’s funny how different the epidural is vs. the anesthesia that I got for the c-section. I think I expected it to be more like the c-section where I was totally numb but instead the epidural seems only to target the pain – I still feel like I could totally get up and walk around (although of course I don’t).

6:25 am Roseli checks me and I’m 7cm dilated. I am so surprised to have made so much progress in less than 2 hours and for a split second I question the epidural that I just got, but when the next contraction hits and I feel the pain in my side I’m glad that I’m not feeling it everywhere. Roseli breaks my water and says she’ll be back soon to check me again.

7:05 am The epidural is wearing off a little bit and the area on my side that doesn’t have relief is growing. Roseli checks me again and says that I’m fully dilated. I’m shocked but excited. This is happening much faster than I thought it would when I checked in only 2.5 hours ago. She has me “practice pushing” a couple times through a contraction and is not too impressed with my performance but says that she’s calling in my doctor anyway. Michael leaves to get scrubbed in. Roseli and my anesthesiologist talk and say that they want to give me another dose of the epidural. I question this since I say that I want to be able to push well but they say that I’m tensing up too much due to the pain in my side and they think I’ll be able to focus more on pushing if I’m not hurting. I concede and they give me another dose which takes completely and soon I’m pain free.

After a long night, about to head into the delivery room!

7:45 am My doctor arrives and I get moved into the delivery room. Everything happens so quickly now. It all seems so intense. It feels like this really big, crazy thing is happening to me and I can’t stop it. The lights. The people. The bed I’m on. They position me and tilt the bed so that I’m almost in an elevated squat of sorts. I feel a little more exposed than I’m totally comfortable with and I make sure that Michael is back with me up at my shoulders. He is God’s grace to me right now and is such a comforting presence through this whole process. He is truly getting me through it. Once everything is in place my doctor asks me to start pushing. I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job but she and Roseli coach me through what to do and soon I can tell that the baby is close. Michael is getting excited and is really cheering for me. They tell me they can see the baby’s head and they give me oxygen for the final pushes. The next thing I know I can feel his head coming out. One more push and his whole body follows.

8:10 am Fincher Oliver Harper is born, praise God. My doctor puts him right on my chest and I have never felt more overwhelmed in my life. I can’t process all that just happened. The physical feeling of it all, even with the epidural, is the most intense thing I have ever experienced. I am in love with my new sweet boy and the first thing I think when I see him is how much he looks like his brother, Colt. This is a comforting thought to me – it’s familiar and already saturated with love. I notice that he has funny little ears – one of them looks like someone took a little nibble off the top. I love this detail. He is so white and slimy but Michael and I just hold him and kiss him. We call him by his name and tell him that we love him. We thank God for the blessing of this baby and for the way He honored our prayer for a successful VBAC. “We did it.”

First moments meeting our sweet boy, Finn.

After a few minutes they ask Michael if he wants to cut the cord. They tell him that it’s “harder than it seems” but he has done this before. He grabs the scissors and in one strong cut he goes all the way through, splattering blood across all the doctors and nurses. Everyone laughs.

Even with the sweet, slimy baby on my chest and the epidural, I am keenly aware of the fact that my doctor is now focused on getting me all cleaned up. I can feel more than I want to and they give me more local anesthetic to help me deal for the next 15 minutes. I don’t feel pain but I can still feel what’s going on and I don’t like it. Paula reassures me that everything looks great but I am super freaked out by it all and am shaking by the time it’s over.

The doctors take Finn to get measured and weighed. He is 3.485 kg (7 lbs 11 oz) and 51 cm (20 inches) long. His Apgar score is 9 then 10 and he’s perfect.

Proud dad.

Brand new.

Hanging on to Dad.

8:45 am They wheel me out to a little cove and bring Finn over to nurse for the first time. He has no problem and nurses for 30 minutes on each side. We hear lots of other babies crying but Finn is so calm, sweet and peaceful. Michael and I marvel at what a beauty he is and we are amazed at how much he reminds us of Colt as a baby.

10:00 am we go up to our room and I’m so exhausted that I basically fall asleep as they are wheeling me there.

That afternoon I am in and out of sleeping and nursing. I FaceTime my mom but I struggle to recount the birth story mostly because I am still so overwhelmed by it. I feel so thankful that God gave us the blessing of a VBAC and everything went great but I also feel a little like I’ve been traumatized. I take a shower and can’t believe how much better I feel than I did after my c-section, but I am also feeling pain in different ways (and different places) that scare me a little.

6:15 pm Joe visits and brings us dinner and, most importantly, Colt. It is almost more than I can handle to see Colt in this moment – I love him so much and feel a little torn over the reality the he is no longer my only. He is so sweet and gives his brother kisses. Finn “gives” Colt a puzzle and Colt loves it. Then he crawls up next to me in bed and asks to hold Finn so we hold him together. It’s too much but somehow I hold back the tears because I don’t want Colt to think that anything is wrong.

Colt checking out his little brother.

Harper boys.

First photos as a family of four!

So blessed. Thank you Lord.

After they leave, Michael and I talk about how incredibly blessed we are. We thank God for His abundant provision and we trust Him for the days ahead.

Before the new baby arrives, I wanted to post a quick, picture-filled update of what we’ve been up to lately. Michael, Colt and I returned from the US to São Paulo the day before Colt’s 2nd birthday and although we didn’t plan a big party like we did for him last year, he somehow ended up with three birthday parties! First, while we were in Vail we had an early birthday celebration honoring Ollie and Colt. Then, on Colt’s actual birthday we had a little family celebration for which total credit really has to go to Michael. Colt had recently been getting into Mickey Mouse (how that happens even when he’s never seen the show, I have no idea?!) so Michael took that and ran with it. First, for dinner Michael made Mickey Mouse pancakes. Then he went out and bought a bunch of random Mickey Mouse gifts including a blow-up beach ball, a pack of socks, sandals, and a coloring book with crayons — all wrapped up in Mickey Mouse wrapping paper! I hadn’t really planned on doing anything since it would just be the 3 of us and, let’s be honest, he’s 2 and doesn’t totally get it, but it turned out to be really fun and Colt had the best time of anyone. He was/is obsessed with the gifts and has the cutest ever pronunciation of Mickey Mouse so we loved getting to hear him say it over and over too.

Mickey Mouse pancake coming to the eager birthday boy!

The boys and the gifts.

LOVED the beach ball.

Can you tell he’s excited?

That Friday night we had some friends over to catch up and celebrate the birthday boy one more time! Just some gifts and cake but Colt was a happy camper!

Like his dad, Colt loves receiving gifts. 🙂 Thanks Hudsons!

Happy Birthday to you!

Definitely loved the cake.

Upon Colt’s turning 2, Michael and I decided it was time to make a few of transitions in his life to help him be more of a “big boy.” The first big transition was giving up the pacifier. Colt has loved pacis since we first introduced them around 2.5 weeks old. In fact, I think he has basically used one to help him fall asleep every night and for every nap since then! Until he was 1 he would keep the paci with him throughout the day and around his first birthday we decided to make it a crib-only item. This was initially met with some resistance but wasn’t too bad, however we had no idea how we would get him off them completely. I was hoping to do it before the new baby arrived so that there could be some space in his life of adjusting to being without a paci where he wasn’t also seeing them all the time being used by someone else, but I was also nervous about doing it too close to the baby’s arrival lest he just revert back and start stealing pacis from the baby. We already have some things set up for the baby (bassinet, bouncy seat) and we often talk about how the new baby will go there and sit there etc. and one day (July 24!) Colt was really getting into saying how he was a big boy, not a baby, so I decided to capitalize on it. I told him that pacifiers were only for babies and that he wasn’t a baby, he was a big boy. I asked if he wanted to give his pacifiers to the baby so he put his 2 pacis in the bouncy seat in our living room and left them. That evening we kept talking about how he was such a big boy. When Michael got home from work I told him that I thought Colt was ready to give it up so then we actually had him put them in a bag and kiss them goodbye and talked more about how they were going to the babies. That night Michael put Colt down for bed and reminded him that he was a big boy, that the pacis were with the babies and laid him down. And…no tears! He actually did end up crying before going down for naps for the first 4 days but it just required a little extra back rubbing and he was fine. He never cried at night but what’s funny is that while he used to fall asleep within 5 minutes of being laid down for bed, he now stays up talking, singing and playing with his stuffed animals for about an hour. It’s totally entertaining to watch and listen to him on the monitor. He still mentioned the pacis when he was going to sleep for the first week or two but would also always say that they were with the babies. I think it just took some time to get it out of his head as being part of his routine. Anyway, all in all much easier than I was expecting.

Up playing in the crib.

The next transition was to get him off the bottle. This might sound crazy but up until his second birthday we were still giving Colt warm milk from a bottle like a little baby. Even worse, he wouldn’t even hold it himself! He would curl up in our laps and we would give it to him like he was a newborn! We actually had this practice for several reasons. 1) Guaranteed built-in snuggle time! It was always so sweet and I totally loved it. 2) Teeth. I never wanted him to just walk around sipping from a cup of milk all day (and especially not all night) because it’s bad for their teeth. With our set-up, he had it at 2 specific times/day (morning when he woke up and after waking up from his afternoon nap) and the whole thing lasted 2-3 minutes and then it was over. 3) No mess. Spilled milk is kind of gross and this way we never had him walking around with a cup spilling it places only to get spoiled and nasty. So basically it was just easy, Colt liked it and I liked it so I never saw a reason to want to change. Michael, on the other hand, thought it was totally ridiculous that our 2 year old still took milk like a newborn and insisted that we change. I wasn’t sure if Colt would mind but he didn’t seem to care at all. One day we just switched it to a sippy cup and told him that he needed to hold it himself and it was done. We have now started the “tradition” of doing milk on the couch in the living room and that is also his designated cartoon-time for 15-20 minutes. Michael and I like that we still get to cuddle with him for a little bit but it also gives us some time to make our coffee and just wake up in the mornings as well. Plus it encourages Colt to still drink everything in one sitting so that, again, he isn’t walking around with the milk cup during the day.

All ready for his milk!

Blanket and books for everyone.

Superman sometimes likes to sit on the coffee table.

The other thing that we have started to implement with him is the use of a toddler-clock in his room to help indicate when he should be sleeping versus when he is “allowed” to be up. We got this Tot-Clock and have been really happy with it so far. Basically the face of the clock lights up yellow during the day and is blue at night and during naps. It’s very user-friendly and easy to figure out for a parent and it was an easy association for Colt to learn blue = sleep and yellow = awake. He is still in a crib so it’s not like we have the issue of him getting out of bed when he should be sleeping, but we thought it would be good to introduce this and get him accustomed to it now so that when he does transition out of the crib it will (hopefully) be easier for him to know when he should be sleeping and when it’s OK to get up. Although it doesn’t necessarily make him sleep longer, it has been helpful for days when he wakes up too early for us to be able to remind him to look at the clock and go back to bed, etc. Sometimes he will put himself back down and other times he’ll play until he notices it turn yellow and then of course sometimes he’ll cry too. But he’s learning it.

Otherwise we’ve just really been enjoying being back in SP.

Could not love him any more.

Out with Dad to the paderia for some pão de queijo!

Colt is so much better dressed than me!

Staying occupied at the Havaianas store.

Hide & seek with Dad! Can you find Colt?!

34 Weeks, 1 day.

Pool time!

Fun!

Little bed-head making sure everyone has a diaper on!

Story time with Dad.

Constant action.

Playground.

Running around.

Riding a bike! He could honestly do this allllll day long.

Play dough in the play room with friends.

Family sushi dinner.

Possibly Colt’s favorite book: Daniel and the Lions’ Den.

Lunch date with Dad!

Snuggles with Mom!

Uncle Joe comes to visit and helps Colt dunk!

Taking it all the way to the goal!

Colt so proud of lining up the crayons!

And here he is lining up all the balls.

ABC Bible Verses with Dad!

Scooter time!

Swing!

Colt loves swimming!

When Uncle Joe comes to visit, Colt expects (and receives) Lara Bars!

Playing with friends (and nannies) in our apartment complex.

We are so blessed to be doing life with such great friends who are also in the (exact!) same stage of life. These 3 are within 4 weeks of each other!

Mailey, Jack and Colt playing on Jack’s new big-boy bed!

Colt, Jack and Mailey lunching at Praça São Lourenço.

And exploring the tree house they have there!

Scrub-a-dub-dub, 3 babes in the tub.

Sweet birthday gift from Jack – a puzzle-name stool!

And now for one of my favorite stories lately… this past Friday night Michael and I went to dinner with the Hudsons and the Parkers.

Family photo before dinner.

Our first kids are all within 4 weeks of each other and we all got pregnant for the second time close to each other again. Paige had her second, Coralie May Hudson, on June 22. Michelle was due August 18 and I am August 22. Well, on Friday, August 14, Michelle was having contractions all day but she said that she and Jamie were still in for dinner that night. We met at our favorite local Argentine steak restaurant around 8:15 and proceeded to have an awesome dinner together.

The whole group at dinner.

Michelle was sitting in between Paige and me so we talked about and timed her contractions all through dinner. They definitely seemed to be progressing but she was handling everything like such a champ that an onlooker would never know the difference. She and Jamie had driven with their hospital bags in the car just in case after dinner and dessert (and a coffee for Jamie!) we all agreed that it was best that they went ahead and drove straight to the hospital.

With Michelle right before they took off.

They arrived a little after 11pm and Jamie texted with Paige and me to keep us up to date on Michelle’s progress. We received a text that they had arrived and a few minutes later he said that the nurse just came to check on her and she was at a 10!!! Paige and I couldn’t believe it but sure enough their sweet baby girl, Finley Sophia Parker, arrived just before midnight! It was totally crazy!

We went to visit them at the hospital the next day and the whole family was beautiful and doing great. What an incredible labor, right?! I’m hoping for the same experience. 😉

Meeting Finley with Michelle.

In my pregnancy with Colt we never experienced this unique season of what it is to be waiting on the arrival of a new baby. Colt’s arrival took us by such surprise that Michael and I were literally on a mini vacay, 3 hours away. Our hospital bags hadn’t been packed. The car seat was still in a box in our storage closet. I didn’t even have my doctor’s number stored in my phone. We were clearly not prepared. And even though I have been told by countless doctors that what happened last time was a “medically non-reproducible risk” which should have absolutely no bearing on this pregnancy, I still felt a little bit like a ticking time-bomb until we passed the 37 week mark. And then, almost 2 weeks ago, we passed it.

Now we are in a (short) season of waiting. I will be 39 weeks pregnant on Saturday so we are in the stage where the baby could come in 2 hours, 2 days or 2 weeks. We are so eager to meet him and have him join our family and yet there is something so special and sweet about this in-between. Each day that I spend with Colt feels like a gift. It’s like I am seeing him more clearly and watching him with just a little more wonder than before. I’m seeing the details. And with Michael too – perhaps even more so. Every evening that we spend together, eating dinner, sitting and talking and just enjoying each other feels like a special treasure.

My mom boards a plane to Brazil in 1 week and a week from Saturday is my due date. We will have my mom stay with us for 2 1/2 weeks (and my dad will join for the final 5 days of her visit) and less than 2 weeks after they leave, Michael’s parents will visit for a week and a half. That will basically bring us to October and then it’s just the blink of an eye before we are heading to the US for Thanksgiving and Christmas. And what a blur those first few months are with a new baby. A magical blur but a blur nonetheless. It feels like it will be next spring before we settle into a routine again, this time as a family of 4.

So while we look forward with excited hearts at what is to come, I first wanted to pause and record how thankful I am to be in this exact moment, right now, everything just as it is.

36 Weeks – then and now!

During my pregnancy with Colt my water broke at 36 weeks and 6 days and he was born at exactly 37 weeks so this is the last comparison that I’d be able to do!

How far along: 36 weeks.
Baby updates: I am thankful that things continue to progress perfectly uneventfully. I have my next appointment on Monday but I think the baby is somewhere around 6.5 lbs.
Mamma updates: Also thankful that I am feeling great. Of course I’m in the big, uncomfortable stage of pregnancy but for some reason I truly feel the best during the third trimester and I continue to feel really good each day. I am a little tired but I’m still sleeping pretty well (despite getting up 3x/night to pee!)
With a limited amount of time left as a family of 3 we are really trying to soak in these last moments as well as get ourselves prepared for our new arrival. Michael and I are truly enjoying Colt more and more each day and can’t believe what a big boy he has turned into.
Although I know that there is only so much you can do to prepare, I feel like every day we are more and more ready. Our bags are packed, the bassinet and bouncy seat are set up, newborn diapers are out and I’m checking things off my to-do list every day so that when the baby arrives we are free to just focus on our family.
Things I miss: Normal clothing! I even resorted to doing the rubber band trick with some of my regular jeans a couple days ago because I’m just so over maternity jeans.
Cravings: Chocolate. Big time.
Weight: +18 — I’ve stayed a few pounds behind where I was each week in my previous pregnancy (at this point last time I was +22) although I have no idea how or why. Regardless, the baby is big and growing each week so that’s the important thing.
Best moments: It’s been great to be back home these past 3 weeks and Michael and I are just enjoying time with our friends, time with Colt and most importantly time with each other. We are so excited about meeting our baby and growing our family, but similarly to how we felt before Colt was born, we are really happy as we are now, so there is always that slight feeling of wanting to hang onto what you have. But of course we don’t want things to stay exactly as they are – we are so thrilled for this upcoming change – and we hold everything we have with open hands to the Lord to give and take away as He pleases and as the seasons change. So for now I’m looking forward to this new season – a sleep-deprived blur full of snuggles, new baby smells and sweet 2 year old fun.